It Was Never Love

I've been taking an excessive amount of showers lately. It's what I do when I'm stressed. Maybe I'm trying to wash away the pain or rejuvenate my spirit, either way, I can never get the water to burn hot enough.
I guess I always knew it would come to this. Part of me always saw it in the dullness of your eyes and the coldness of your demeanor. Love could never be that passive, but then again, what do I know? I know one thing for sure; compatibility was nowhere to be seen in your relationship. I would never expect anyone to continue a failing relationship, so all I ask of you is that you don't let this ruin you. What you had was never love, but that doesn't mean you're incapable of it. Please do not become another victim of failed love.

12:31 PM

What have you got to live for in this cold, dark, lonely place
When your thoughts are not your own, and your emotions are forced and cold?
What have you got to die for in this revolutionary age
When you have no burning passion for the destiny you mold?
What have you got within you that keeps you in denial?
So fearful and reserved you won't let your own thoughts roam wild.
What words do you not dare to utter except when your alone?
Quiet whispers in the dark is your attempt at being bold.
...

To an Old Friend

It's been a really long time. I knew that we would lose contact eventually, but I always figured that by then you wouldn't mean as much to me. I figured I would forget you just as I've forgotten other characters of my past, but somehow, you've remained in my thoughts despite my constant efforts to suppress every thought of you.

I don't think you could ever understand how much you meant to me. You were my rock, my motivation, the keeper of my well-being. You showed me how to dream and forced me to believe in myself when I couldn't believe in anything else. You were the sole reason I gained the mindset that not only could I be, but I was, capable of accomplishing great things. You were unbelievably amazing, and you reflected yourself upon me.

I don't cry to anyone, but I cried to you. I told you every thing through uncontrollable sobs and you listened without comment. Sometimes all you need is an ear to listen. You were that and more. I've faced darker moments since that night, but no one is around to comfort me anymore. I yearn for our friendship constantly. Not many come close to your sincerity.

You called me the other day. It took me a awhile to find the courage to answer. Once I did, all I heard was background noise, which led me to assume that the call was accidental. I hung up and spent a while trying to figure out why that hurt me so much. I guess it was the fact that you've kept my number after all these years, but you never found a reason to use it.

I suppose whoever has the power to help you stand has the power to bring you to your knees, and bring me to my knees you did. Our falling out was abrupt and foolish--high school drama that we both fell victim to. Still, through all the drama you remained sincere. If I hadn't moved, I'd like to think we'd still be friends. However, I did move and you only called me once 6 months after I left. You asked me whether I still had the dreams and aspirations I used to tell you about, and you told me to never give those dreams up.

We haven't talked since, but you haven't deleted my number, and, god, do I hope that counts for something.