Birthday Wishes

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to stop waiting for happiness. For too long I've had this skewed mentality that one day I'd unexpectedly wake up in a state of complete and utter euphoria and everything that was ever wrong would no longer be a problem, but until then I'd just have to wait. I ended up spending my entire life wasting my time waiting and expecting happiness to be handed to me on a silver platter. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to realize that I am the only person who has ultimate control over my happiness. Happiness does not come to those who wait but to those who go out there and look for it. I should've done things that made me happy, surronded myself with people who made me happy, and built myself up into an overall happy individual. Instead, I let the principle of patience distract me. While waiting I've let so many opportunities for happiness pass me by.

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to stop being afraid. Too often, I have to ask myself "what are you so afraid of?" Why can't I live my life without making decisions based off of the judgment of others? Is it fear? I'm invisible to the world. Why can't I learn how to use this to my advantage? No one is going to notice, let alone care about, the way I live my life. Still, fear controls me. It controls my heart, my thoughts, and my tongue, and it's eating away at my enjoyment of life. I shouldn't be so afraid that I can't even open my mouth to speak in a public setting, yet I am.

I wish I could go back and tell myself to live. I have not fully lived the past years of my life and have used the reasoning that my life will "start" once I'm a little older. I can't even comprehend why I thought this way, but now I'm stuck with almost two decades of my life that consists of little to no memorable memories. I've wasted my life by refusing to live, and have no one to blame but myself.

I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to get my shit together, but I can't. So I wish that in five more years, I won't be wishing for the same thing as I am today.

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