Mother Knows Best

My mother told me I should be weak. She said that a husband should act as an extension of a father, always there to take care of his wife, because women were like babies and babies needed to be taken care of. She said that women were the weaker counterpart, and when I said I refused to be weak, she said that if a woman was stronger than a man then there was a problem within the household. When I suggested equality she looked at me as though I spoke blasphemy. Still, I stood by my opinion and told her that I would never be with a man who saw me as weak. "Then you'll never find a man!" was her response.

Her criticism didn't stop there. I remember when I told my mother I wanted to adopt. She said she wanted a real grandchild. I always thought that family wasn't confined to blood. I've met people who meant more to me than blood did. She told me I was selfish. Then she said if I didn't give birth to children, then what use was my body? I would be allowing my most important quality to go to waste. Am I wrong for believing that I have other noteworthy qualities? How can I be looked down upon for refusing to be defined in such a simple manner?

It's funny how the same thing that gives me worth and purpose is the same thing that undermines my capabilities as a human being. My mother always seemed to have such low expectations for me. As she criticized my every thought, she told me if I couldn't take criticism from her, how could I take it from the world? If her criticism was constructive I would say it was acceptable, but it never was. Now I see her telling my sisters the same thing, and I worry, not only for them but for her as well. Because this mindset that she attempts to harbor within us can only be a reflection of how she see yourself. You are only weak if you allow yourself to be. I hope she can forgive me as I refuse to be held hostage by her, and the world's, low standards for women. I will not walk in her footsteps, and I will not utter one word of her destruction to my children. Instead, when my daughter speaks of me she will say: My mother told me I should be strong, intelligent, capable, witty and kind and nothing will detract from my value unless I let it.